"Hmmm, not many people survive my sponsoring". Those were the words I heard spoken to someone returning to OA after several relapses. Phew! I was glad I hadn't asked this lady to sponsor me: I'd like the look of her, but after that… Her explanation? "I'm just not willing to support people to remain unwell." According to her—at least what she has shared—she took two years to become abstinent. (Because I have the mind of a compulsive overeater—sarcasm here—I have put off learning how to spell that word.) I suppose she could have had a really mean/hard-core sponsor, because one never knows, she might enjoy flagellation.
Anyway, to my own bad experience, and if it offers strength and hope to someone else then great. I'd been working with my sponsor—having conversations at 720 every freakin morning, often either or both of us were half asleep. I often said to my partner jokingly "ah well, time for my daily growling" or something to that effect. On a Tuesday afternoon about a month a go, I got a phone call to say that a good friend of mine had died; completely out of the blue as the result of an epileptic seizure. (He was only 26.) I was devastated!
I duly mentioned it to my sponsor the next day, so she could dispense some platitudes, or advice on using the tools, or something. I mentioned to her that I'd told my friend about OA, because I thought he could benefit, as he ate junk food almost constantly. Her response was something like "It was God's will." That still hurts; makes me almost want to cry actually. And "he was obviously a very disturbed young man!" Well, if this "programme" is supposed to restore us to sanity, and my sponsor is saner than me, then that's a real worry! My friend: was one of the most generous kindhearted people I ever knew! For her to say he was disturbed with out even knowing him!…
Right now—or as the steppers put it "for today"—I'm trying to work out how to end it with my sponsor. What ever I think of the crap she's said to me, she is a good person and she has put a lot of time in to me. Thankfully, I haven't done 4 and 5 with her, so she can't use that against me!
Tomorrow, if I really "work the programme" when I call her, I am supposed to tell her that i ate 2 little squares of chocolate which weren't on my food plan. And I'll get even more of a beating when I say that I was fine after that! (Verbal beating that is, something like "it sounds like you don't really…") This daily sponsor thing is just becoming humiliating! Is this how we're supposed to get "sober" "clean" or whatever we call it.
Well, here ends my searching and fearless inventory of my thoughts on OA sponsorship. Think I'll go submit this story, and go to bed. Wish me luck: I'm going to see if I can quit my sponsor tomorrow!