by Devin Sexson

Dr. Frankenstein decided that he would set up an experiment to determine the efficacy of Alcoholics Anonymous using laboratory rats as subjects.

His faithful lab assistant Igor gladly sets up the experiment and gives his first report:

“Doctor, it turns out that rats are social animals, and some of them gather together and enjoy partaking in alcoholic beverages.”

“Wonderful,” the scientist replies, “it seems we are well on the way.”

Igor delivers another report some time later; “Doctor, it has been observed that there are some rats that will overindulge in the intoxicating beverages and seem to enjoy it more than the others.”

“Igor,” the great doctor remarks with a grin, “I can see success in our future, please continue with this fantastic experiment.”

Igor returns a while later with his most recent observations; “Doctor! I've great news; there are some of these rats that will continue to consume the spirits despite the negative consequences—we have alcoholic rats!”

“Splendid Igor, absolutely splendid, I couldn't have hoped for better results. Now isolate these rats and begin to read to them from the Big Book.”

Igor returns some time later with a sad look on his face; “Bad news Doc, there is a problem.”

Dr. Frankenstein looks surprised; “A problem? But everything was going so well, what could the problem be?”

“Well Doc, it just so happens that rats are far too intelligent to believe any of that AA crap.”